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Month: April 2015

How I keep him in full submission mode

How I keep him in full submission mode

Male chastity seems to work in stages. I should probably ask Mr Kitty for more details on this, but from my perspective it seems to go a bit like this in the guy’s mind:

  1. “Yay! Getting locked up! Fun! Think of all the sexy things we can do with this game!”
  2. “Hmm… I can’t wank. I want to wank. Why is Kitty giving me porn to watch when I can’t access my cock?”
  3. “Ughh… I’m so… horny…. Why did I agree to this? I guess I’ll have to accept it…”
  4. “Hmm. It’s kinda nice to know that she gets to control my orgasms.”
  5. “I exist to make her happy. I should be locked up because she wants me to be locked up. I wonder if she’d accept a massage as tribute from her slave?”

Ok, maybe not those exact thoughts, but something similar. The length of each stage seems to vary a little depending on what’s going on in our lives, but they usually follow the same pattern.

As is probably obvious by now, I think the best part is the last stage. I try my best to always keep him in that state, because it’s where we’re both at our happiest. If I unlock him for a long time, say, a few days, he sometimes resets his submission cycle back to the baseline. For him, the baseline is a neutral man who knows that he likes being submissive, but also likes being able to orgasm whenever he wants and can overdo it on occasion. He’s still nice and all, but nowhere nearly as amenable as I’m now used to. He’s also not fully happy with himself and his life when he’s unlocked for long periods, because his natural submission to me makes him feel like there’s something missing.

This leads to a little problem. How can I unlock him for sex without pulling him out of full submission?

Simple! I keep him guessing.

I never tell him when I want to have sex with him, even when I know in advance that I might unlock him before going to bed. I know he always gets his hopes up, which is really cute, but I don’t usually unlock him. When I do, he must remove the icock* as soon as he receives the order. If it takes him too long I might get annoyed and he gets back into his cage (nobody likes being kept waiting right before sex!). So now he’s got it down to an art form. This is why when we’re choosing a new cage, we absolutely need it to be quick to remove. It’s a non-negotiable feature.


I unlocked him in this manner this week.

We keep different sleep schedules, as he works from home across time zones and I have a full time office job. His slave duties include getting into bed every night when I’m ready, and either cuddling or worshipping me until I want to sleep. Then he leaves and starts his work.

So the other night we were in bed and he started caressing my belly. He has a thing for bellies, especially mine. His hands were soon touching me everywhere, gentle enough that I wouldn’t push him away, but still teasing and slightly defiant. Without being ordered to, he began to finger me while kissing my belly, licking around my nipples…

“Here’s the code. Get unlocked.”

“Yes, my kitty.”

Sometimes he succeeds in convincing me that I need to be filled with his cum. Usually, I just need his tongue instead. This time I took the cum option.

He came really quickly, so he had to finish me off anyway. Poor slave. And as soon as I was done, he said “thank you” and got back into his cage.


*icock: what we call chastity devices in this house. It’s so much quicker to say, and it sounds nice to boot. 

Consequences II

Consequences II

Saturday was as fun as I expected it to be.

Kittyslave got what he deserved. I decided not to make him crawl around the house while on a leash, because he’s been very good with his tongue service. Yesterday was no exception. I’m so proud of him!

I meant to take a couple of pictures but I got a bit too into it, so I completely forgot to do it. I used a pinkish purple dildo on a strap on harness. It wasn’t a very large dildo because Mr Kitty has spent the last few days being extra nice, and making a huge effort to keep me satisfied with his behaviour. I suspect that he was scared of what I might do. He said that reading about it here, as opposed to hearing it straight from me, made things sound a lot scarier!

I made him wear a butt plug of his choice for the day. To my surprise, he chose a really cute one.

cute_bunny_tail

The purpose of the butt plug is to keep him in check for the day. I have a thing for groping his ass when I feel like it, and the butt plug adds another dimension to that. But even better, it removes a lot of the initial prep work required when I fuck him with a strap on. Plus it prepares him better for when I feel like going extra hard, as I did last night. He deserved it.

I was very nice in letting him fuck me as well, using a dildo of course (this was supposed to be punishment, after all). He also got a bit of spanking and a paddle warning for leaving a drawer open for too long. My slave still has some behavioural challenges to overcome, one of which is his inability to close drawers after opening them. But I’m sure it will all be fixed over time.

After the punishment was done, we cuddled in bed for ages and talked about all kinds of things. Mr Kitty was in some sort of afterglow and looked so happy that I couldn’t help but feel happy too! Until I got horny again, that is. Then he sucked on my nipples while I used my fingers. I really love it when he does that, to the point that if I ever decide to have children, things are going to be weird. But then, if that ever happens, we’ll have to remove all the random sex toys that end up scattered around the house anyway.

*Sigh*

At this point in my life, it feels like everything is perpetually on the brink of changing again. We got engaged a few months ago, prompting everyone to ask when exactly is the wedding (very long from now!). We recently moved countries, but briefly considered moving back. We’re both in the middle of significant career changes… Sometimes I feel like if I didn’t have such a strong connection with Mr Kitty, I wouldn’t be able to cope with it all.

Particle Image Velocimetry

Particle Image Velocimetry

I’m an engineer. To me, PIV = Particle Image Velocimetry.

Before I looked at online kinky stuff and found out that other people use PIV to mean what they mean, I’d only encountered that term once before. It was in a blog by an extreme feminist who argued that all ‘PIV’ constituted rape, regardless of whether the woman consented or not. According to her, the simple act of pushing a cock into a vagina was always an assertion of men’s power over women, and their alleged perpetual sexual violence. Bullshit, if you ask me.

With that background, I can’t help but dislike the acronym outside of an engineering context. I know what people mean by it, and I just accept that I’ll never like the acronym, and that people will continue to use it. That’s fine. It’s like how on wedding forums, BM = bridesmaid (and not, in fact, bowel movement), and STD = save the dates. Some things I will never understand.

Also…

Pussy.

I bet that will be the only mention of that word in this blog.

I… can’t…. type it again. It sounds perfectly fine when other women or men say it. I don’t mind that. I don’t mind reading it either. But I can’t say it myself. It’s… I just can’t, ok? *sobs*

It’s a real problem when I’m attempting to write a blog about my somewhat funky sex life. I’ve even tried to come up with an alternative. I asked Mr Kitty what I should use, since my private word for it is so cringeworthy that I could never bring myself to use it on a public blog.

I almost feel like mentioning it now, even though I’ll avoid using it here again, just so that it’s out there and we can all move on.

But no!

I can’t!!!

It’s…

Bits.

Yes, I refer to my bits as bits. *dies of embarrassment*

Consequences

Consequences

As I’m writing this, Mr Kitty is asleep in our bedroom. I got home from work more than two hours ago, and no cup of tea was ready for my arrival. Today we received a nice parcel with more sexy fun toys for my pleasure and his pain. I’m too full to do anything (sourdough pancakes, yay!) so I’ve been sitting here, in our peaceful sitting room, thinking about stuff and enjoying the silence.

I don’t mind that my kittyslave was asleep when I got home. I also don’t mind that my tea wasn’t waiting for me, but rules are rules and he will be punished. I’m thinking: making him crawl for the rest of the day when he finally wakes up, wearing a leash so that I can control him better. Or I might be merciful if he puts good effort into his tongue service.

We’ll see…

Oh, but there is something else on which I must correct him! Usually, he keeps count of how long he’s been locked up. I don’t like keeping track of it myself because it’s effort, and also because my science side realises that tracking it will influence my decisions. I don’t want that. So I told him that he’s changing the way he tracks the days. He is to come up with a method that allows him to count the days he’s been locked up, and that I can have access to whenever I want. I don’t care if it’s on paper, an Excel spreadsheet, a website, whatever. I just want to be able to see it at a glance, without having to have any input in it (other than deciding when to use the key, that is). Simple, right? Well, he didn’t do it.

This is where I say that he’s been very busy with work, and that I only gave him a few hours to do it, so I understand his lack of delivery. But is it my problem? Nope.

A fun weekend awaits. It’s been a while since I gave my slave something to really think about.


On that note…

Over the years, I’ve noticed that even thinking about disciplining and punishing my slavey kitty makes me feel all sorts of happy fuzzy feelings. It’s a confirmation that I really love him, but also that I couldn’t be happy in a vanilla relationship again. A vanilla relationship would feel to me like a sexless relationship might to others. Something would be missing. I’m very glad I found that something. =^_^=

How long to keep him locked up?

How long to keep him locked up?

Predetermined vs unspecified chastity

Sometimes I think it would be easier to manage Mr Kitty’s chastity by giving him predefined lock-up term lengths, but I have two issues with that idea:

  1. It’s boring. If he knows exactly how long he will be locked up for, surely he can then ‘survive’ his horniness by taking the deadline as the light at the end of the tunnel? It’d be too easy for him, and I don’t want easy. I want him to squirm, and I want to keep him on the point of begging to be unlocked, though knowing that he can’t because he would be punished for that.
  2. It’s constrictive. I enjoy lovemaking, and sometimes nothing else will do. I feel like being his keyholder would be no fun if I had to deny myself, as well as him. If I want to unlock him, maybe as a reward, maybe because I want him, why shouldn’t I just do it? But of course, if I had set a predetermined length for his denying term, I wouldn’t allow myself to unlock him whenever I want. I’d feel like my own rules would be diminishing my power over him.

Until recently, I never thought about how other people approach male chastity. Moving here and losing my usual outlet for chats about sex (i.e., coffee meet-ups with my old school friends!) made me wonder what’s out there, and what other people/couples do. I looked at some of the blogs and websites that Mr Kitty likes, and I was surprised at the amount of people who will keep their subs locked up for x amount of time. Since most of those blogs were written by men, I do wonder whether it’s their idea or their keyholder’s idea to lock them up for a certain length of time. To me, it sounds crazy!

On the other hand…

I’ve trained my kittyslave to have the best tongue skills ever (!!! ^_^), but it took a fairly long time. Maybe if I’d locked him up for say, 100 days, he’d have got there earlier. Hmm… maybe that’s what the other keyholders intend when they set those long sentences!

Timekeeping

Timekeeping

Our plans for the weekend fell through for unforeseeable reasons. Somehow, sewing wasn’t quite as fun as spending time with a very dominant guy and my slave would have been. But it was still alright, just a little too quiet.

The highlight of the day was spanking Mr Kitty. He was being punished for saying that he’d come back in a minute, and then taking too long to come back. My slave has no sense of timekeeping, so I’m improving him with a little discipline. It’s taking a while but he is getting better.

I used my hand to spank him, which I rarely do these days, but I liked the look when I was finished so I just had to take a picture!

spanking

I’m considering making him a girly tulle skirt as my next sewing project. He needs new girly clothing for when he’s doing his household chores…

Switch

Switch

I like being dominant towards my lovely kittyslave, but I find it hard not to be submissive towards everyone else. Does that make Mr Kitty doubly submissive? I don’t know.

What does it make me?

switch.

Before I met Mr Kitty, I always assumed I was naturally submissive. Not in a very kinky way, mind you, just… vanilla submissive. I’d been tied up a couple of times. I had my nipples bitten. I asked sexual partners to inflict pain (which they never did well enough because they were too scared of actually hurting me >_>). I felt like there was something missing, but the idea that I could be dominant towards a man was so alien to me that I’d never even tried. I’m a girl, I get to be submissive. I truly believed that.

When we decided to play the chastity game, I felt like the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place. I found my voice. My slave found his purpose. I finally got to call the shots when it came to sex, our relationship, and essentially our private life. It was great! Being able to tell him exactly what I want, knowing that he must do it (or else…), gave me a sense of freedom that I’d never experienced in any of my past relationships. And he was happy with the arrangement. It seemed so perfect.

It was.

It still is.

However, I still need to be submissive in some way. Not towards Mr Kitty, as that doesn’t feel natural. I submit to other men. I haven’t given my slave a blowjob in so long that I can’t remember the last time, much to his protests. I love giving blowjobs and he knows it, but I can’t give them to him. He’s my slave, so I suck other men instead.

There’s something very primal about submitting myself to a man. Begging him to fuck me. Letting him have his way with me, pound me hard, bite me, hit me. I love all of it. I crave it. At any given time I always have a dominant guy or two who will be happy to meet me for a bit of fun. My slave, of course, gets to clean me up afterwards, so that he always knows that his duty is always to worship me. ;P

So there it is. That’s how I manage my dominant and my submissive sides. I’m very lucky to be able to engage in both. I’m even luckier that my slave never expresses a wish to be dominant. We’d have a bit of an issue if he did!


As a closing thought… when it comes to women, it’s a different story. Despite being quite the girly girl, I’ve never been able to be submissive towards a woman. I’m not particularly dominant either. It’s like women break my need to be one or the other, and just make go back to ‘normal’. I’m much more masculine in my actions when I’m with women (I can’t help myself when it comes to grabbing boobies! =P), but there is no power play. It’s a bit odd.

How it all began

How it all began

Our journey with chastity began on the very first night I met Mr Kitty. Long story short, I noticed two small piercings on his foreskin, and I had to ask what those were about. It turned out that his ex didn’t like him masturbating, so she got him a plastic chastity device. When she found out that he could escape, she made him get pierced to stop him from pulling out. He was too much of a wuss to get a proper piercing and decided to get two foreskin piercings instead.

AvatarI was fascinated. “A chastity device? What’s that?!”

I had honestly never heard of chastity devices! Mr Kitty explained it as best as he could: that it was like a cage for his cock, that the girl gets to keep the key and has control over when he gets out, that his ex didn’t go about it properly, but that he really wanted to explore it more.

The next day, he was locked up.

Three months later, I had him get a Prince Albert piercing and a new custom-made steel device.

Our relationship with male chastity has evolved over time. It began as a curious thing that I wanted to try out, but it has become so much more. It is an important part of our lives, the way we celebrate our love for each other and, let’s face it, it’s great fun!

I’m hoping this blog will help me to document my feelings towards the chastity thing, and track my progress in dominating him.

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