I am pissed off.
I left this for a couple of days to see if I could reply to it in a way that didn’t sound confrontational, annoyed and very aggressive, but having re-read it, I can’t help it.
Someone left this comment over on the Spanish side of the blog. I’m translating it here because I feel like sharing it with the main side. I’ve fixed the grammar slightly but tried to keep it as faithful to the shitty original as possible:
“Sincerely, I appreciate the content of the blog; it’s good quality, you have good prose, you express yourself well and it’s obvious that it’s things you’ve lived, that it’s authentic. But I can’t help but feel very sorry for Mr Kitty. Even if he’s the one who’s chosen that life, even if he says he likes that you sleep with other men and likes to see it, even if he enjoys his chastity and that you’re in control… that doesn’t mean it’s not just a fetish, and it’s something that’s ok to pass the time, but when you make your life revolve around it, it turns against you and against the couple. I hope you are happy for a long time, but I doubt you will be able to since the relationships that manage to survive long term are those which are based on equality and mutual respect, and clearly in your case the relationship is asymmetric and unjust. You have the power, the privileges and all the good things, while he settles for the scraps… and that’s ok to pass the time and do perversions, but not to turn it into a lifestyle. Think about what’s best for him and try to leave the domination games for when you’re going to have sex, and let him be a normal man and recover his dignity the rest of the time. How will a man like that be the father of your children, or the one with whom you will grow old? It’s not possible. If you really love him, give him back his half of the control over the relationship and leave these things for when you have sex. It’s truly very sad.
I wish you the best. I’m only trying to give advice.”
I’m not new to having to explain that the way we have our relationship *is* based on love, equality and respect. I know it’s counter-intuitive, but most people I’ve had a conversation with along those lines were people who have seen Mr Kitty and me in real life. These are the same people whose reply when we announced our engagement was “we already knew this was gonna happen!”. So they know that my explanation is true, and that a relationship can most definitely work with a central theme of kink running through it.
I’m also not new to internet arguments. Hell, when I get bored I’ve been known to troll people I disagree with (and sometimes people I agree with!) because it’s endlessly funny to see how much some people care about what a stranger is saying on the other side. (Oh, the irony!) I grew up with the internet! This is more real to me than TV was to my parents.
But I’m fucked if I’m gonna let someone tell me, in no uncertain terms, that our relationship will definitely not work. Not “in his opinion”. No, that would be too moderate for this guy. Couldn’t he at least be more troll-like? I can deal with trolls. I can deal with reasonable people. I can even deal with religious nut jobs because I grew up in church (It’s never a good idea to enter a Christian religious argument against me). But you know what I really hate? People who still believe, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that their one true path is the chosen path for all of humanity, and that no deviation from such path will ever succeed. Even if it’s clearly working out for many people. Even if there’s no rule, no dogma against the different paths.
I feel sorry for people who are against a number of things because of religion, even if I disagree with them, because brainwashing is a bitch and some people are never cured. But at least they have a reason to believe what they believe, beyond being intolerant for the sake of being intolerant. I don’t feel even a tiny bit sorry for people who create their own intolerance and narrow-mindedness. I would say that I have no time for them, but I like destroying their arguments a bit too much. Plus, I don’t believe in censorship so things like that will stay no matter what. Just don’t expect me to be nice, because as Mr Kitty says, I have an opinion on everything and I’m not afraid to express it if I have to.
In case it isn’t clear enough, I will reiterate: our relationship is absolutely based on the deep love we feel for each other. If Mr Kitty ever wants to stop the kinkiness, I will be happy to do so (even if I might miss it) because all I want is to make him happy. My life has been a million times better since I met him. He literally (not figuratively!) saved my life. Giving him a choice on how we conduct our relationship is not asymmetry or a lack of respect, but the deepest expression of love that I can give him. And he won’t be any less of a man as my husband, as the father of our future children, or as the person I will grow old with, just because we’re into a kink that happens to include other people every once in a while. The idea that what we mutually decide to do with our lives makes us any less honourable, or worthy, or whatever this person even meant to say, is simply ridiculous. What’s next? Being called a slut because I’ve had sex with more than x number of men?
This is a sex blog. I write about our sex life and our relationship. If I ever start a food blog I will write about food. Just don’t think my life can be summarised as a single topic in a single blog.