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Month: November 2015

This is a rant

This is a rant

I am pissed off.

I left this for a couple of days to see if I could reply to it in a way that didn’t sound confrontational, annoyed and very aggressive, but having re-read it, I can’t help it.

Someone left this comment over on the Spanish side of the blog. I’m translating it here because I feel like sharing it with the main side. I’ve fixed the grammar slightly but tried to keep it as faithful to the shitty original as possible:

“Sincerely, I appreciate the content of the blog; it’s good quality, you have good prose, you express yourself well and it’s obvious that it’s things you’ve lived, that it’s authentic. But I can’t help but feel very sorry for Mr Kitty. Even if he’s the one who’s chosen that life, even if he says he likes that you sleep with other men and likes to see it, even if he enjoys his chastity and that you’re in control… that doesn’t mean it’s not just a fetish, and it’s something that’s ok to pass the time, but when you make your life revolve around it, it turns against you and against the couple. I hope you are happy for a long time, but I doubt you will be able to since the relationships that manage to survive long term are those which are based on equality and mutual respect, and clearly in your case the relationship is asymmetric and unjust. You have the power, the privileges and all the good things, while he settles for the scraps… and that’s ok to pass the time and do perversions, but not to turn it into a lifestyle. Think about what’s best for him and try to leave the domination games for when you’re going to have sex, and let him be a normal man and recover his dignity the rest of the time. How will a man like that be the father of your children, or the one with whom you will grow old? It’s not possible. If you really love him, give him back his half of the control over the relationship and leave these things for when you have sex. It’s truly very sad.

I wish you the best. I’m only trying to give advice.”


I’m not new to having to explain that the way we have our relationship *is* based on love, equality and respect. I know it’s counter-intuitive, but most people I’ve had a conversation with along those lines were people who have seen Mr Kitty and me in real life. These are the same people whose reply when we announced our engagement was “we already knew this was gonna happen!”. So they know that my explanation is true, and that a relationship can most definitely work with a central theme of kink running through it.

I’m also not new to internet arguments. Hell, when I get bored I’ve been known to troll people I disagree with (and sometimes people I agree with!) because it’s endlessly funny to see how much some people care about what a stranger is saying on the other side. (Oh, the irony!) I grew up with the internet! This is more real to me than TV was to my parents.

But I’m fucked if I’m gonna let someone tell me, in no uncertain terms, that our relationship will definitely not work. Not “in his opinion”. No, that would be too moderate for this guy. Couldn’t he at least be more troll-like? I can deal with trolls. I can deal with reasonable people. I can even deal with religious nut jobs because I grew up in church (It’s never a good idea to enter a Christian religious argument against me). But you know what I really hate? People who still believe, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that their one true path is the chosen path for all of humanity, and that no deviation from such path will ever succeed. Even if it’s clearly working out for many people. Even if there’s no rule, no dogma against the different paths.

I feel sorry for people who are against a number of things because of religion, even if I disagree with them, because brainwashing is a bitch and some people are never cured. But at least they have a reason to believe what they believe, beyond being intolerant for the sake of being intolerant. I don’t feel even a tiny bit sorry for people who create their own intolerance and narrow-mindedness. I would say that I have no time for them, but I like destroying their arguments a bit too much. Plus, I don’t believe in censorship so things like that will stay no matter what. Just don’t expect me to be nice, because as Mr Kitty says, I have an opinion on everything and I’m not afraid to express it if I have to.

In case it isn’t clear enough, I will reiterate: our relationship is absolutely based on the deep love we feel for each other. If Mr Kitty ever wants to stop the kinkiness, I will be happy to do so (even if I might miss it) because all I want is to make him happy. My life has been a million times better since I met him. He literally (not figuratively!) saved my life. Giving him a choice on how we conduct our relationship is not asymmetry or a lack of respect, but the deepest expression of love that I can give him. And he won’t be any less of a man as my husband, as the father of our future children, or as the person I will grow old with, just because we’re into a kink that happens to include other people every once in a while. The idea that what we mutually decide to do with our lives makes us any less honourable, or worthy, or whatever this person even meant to say, is simply ridiculous. What’s next? Being called a slut because I’ve had sex with more than x number of men?

This is a sex blog. I write about our sex life and our relationship. If I ever start a food blog I will write about food. Just don’t think my life can be summarised as a single topic in a single blog.



That’s how he referred to his penis.

Free, but tiny.

Mr Kitty has been unlocked for a long time now.

I’ve hesitated to write about this, because somehow it feels much more personal than my sex life ever does, but I guess there’s no reason not to mention it.

Mr Kitty has an non-fatal autoimmune condition which, for the most part, causes no issues whatsoever. That is, until he has a flare-up. When it flares up he gets to live in constant pain and with limited mobility.

Today is the first day he has been able to walk and move normally without pain since about two weeks ago. Normally he can take medication to try to lessen (but not eliminate) the problems, but due to the nature of the medication, he has to be very careful about not taking it if there’s anything else that might attack his immune system. It’s cold and flu season, and he was getting over a cold, so he had to make do without anything beyond standard NSAIDs and long massages performed by yours truly.

It kills me to see him in pain. It also kills my sex drive. Funnily enough, it doesn’t affect his sex drive because men are weird like that. But even though I am still able to go off and sleep with someone else if I feel like it, I don’t get anything out of that if I know that my boyfriend isn’t going to get any enjoyment from it. As far as I’m concerned, everything in our sex life should involve both of us in some way. Chastity and everything that came with it is a mutual agreement, not an imposed sentence. So neither of us has done anything sexual in about two weeks (beyond the standard groping and teasing, obviously).

Actually, that’s not true. There was that episode – once his flare-up had started, so he was unlocked, but hadn’t yet got too bad – where he took on a dominant role out of the blue. I’m not sure how it happened. We were just chatting in our bedroom when suddenly he was taking off our clothes and moments later I was moaning. It was really hot and unexpected. He is dominant towards me so extremely rarely that it made it thrilling like when you have sex somewhere where you know you might get caught, but that fact makes it even more pleasurable. That brings his count of orgasms to 4 out of 5 until the end of the year. He has one to go, and a month and a week to get that. Not bad going.

I’m so glad his pain has gone away again. Nothing makes me happier than to know that he’s ok.

Halloween fun

Halloween fun

I never celebrated halloween when I was growing up. Where I lived, Halloween was an American thing that we saw on TV and films. There was something called All Saints’ Day or something like that, which seemed to be about eating a lot of baked goods, for the most part. At least that’s what it looked like from the outside. Since we weren’t Catholics, we didn’t celebrate that either.

And then we moved to a different country.

In that country, Halloween was a big thing. Bonfires were lit and fireworks were everywhere. That’s despite the fact that fireworks were illegal! Children would call to every house asking for sweets. But at that stage I was too old to care, so either I went to a Halloween party or I just didn’t do much at all.

In that country I met Mr Kitty.

And then we moved to a different country.

Where I am now, Halloween is celebrated in most places but not to the same extent as in the previous country. It is a thing, and children do call door to door… but not in my area. We live in a small town with a fairly aged population. I heard three fireworks the night before Halloween, and that was it. The parties to which I was invited happened during the week, so by the 31st, Mr Kitty and I were home and getting through our list of halloweeny films.


What I lack in Halloween traditions, Mr Kitty more than makes up for. Not in the traditional sense either. He’s not big into dressing up, and he’s never even mentioned what he did as a kid during this time of year (I never thought to ask!). But anyone who knows the birthdays of his family members realises that October is his family’s mating season. So our new tradition for Halloween is fucking like rabbits.

Oh wait, he can’t.

Some time ago I decided to allow him 5 orgasms until the end of the year. I was told I was generous, and I would tend to agree, but I thought it was a nice enough number. Bearing that in mind, and considering how horny I was too, I unlocked him over the Halloween weekend. He now has two remaining orgasms to last him till the end of the year. Of course, I wouldn’t say cumming twice into his girlfriend counts as “fucking like rabbits”; he had to make up for his limitation by using his tongue instead.

On Monday night he went away on business and I let him stay unlocked. He got back a few hours ago. It’s always great when he’s back! (That probably makes me sound like the neediest girl ever. I probably am.) Anyway, we did a lot of cuddling and he said he was all happy and fuzzy.

Yeah right, fuzzy. Is that what they’re calling it these days?


Needless to say, the chastity device is back on, where it belongs.

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