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Submissiveness overload

Submissiveness overload

The submissiveness is hitting him hard.

I have a habit of giving him back rubs once or twice a day, as it helps him when his condition is acting up. I like to do this on our bed, where he can place his head on the edge of the bed and lie on his belly. I then sit on his ass and give him the massage. You’d think there’s not much scope for variation in this routine, right?

Wrong.

Yesterday it took me a few moments to go upstairs for his back rubs. I knew he was already laying on the bed but I had to finish what I was doing before I could go up. It was no longer than five minutes. When I finally got to our bedroom, I found a very unexpected scene.

While waiting for me, he felt so submissive that he began to play around with some of the bondage gear I make him keep on his bedside locker, including a wrist and ankle spreader. I walked into the room to find him helplessly bound in the device, ass in the air. He’d somehow managed to put it on but couldn’t take it off, leaving him in a very precarious position for me to have fun with.

Artist impression of restrained Mr Kitty.
Slightly tipsy artist’s impression of restrained Mr Kitty.

I took advantage of the situation by fingering him a little before freeing him to give him rubs. I like making him feel vulnerable, like I could strike at any moment. He should always be aware that I have full access to his body and he can do nothing to prevent it. The massage sessions we have together are the best for that because since I’m sitting on him, I can play with his little asshole and there’s not much he can do about it. I can also spank him if he says or does something I don’t like. It’s good preparation for when I’ll be fucking him again.

The result of all this is that he’s brimming with horny submissiveness. He can’t keep his hands off me and even seeing me stretching lazily will send him into his horny self-torture. The other day I caught him absent-mindedly playing with one of his nipples and his ass while we had a conversation. He didn’t notice what he was doing until I pointed it out. He was so attempted hard.

I think he might be going crazy…

Did I mention that he’s only had one orgasm this year? I almost feel tempted to keep it that way until the end of the year! But I’m such a cum whore that to do so, I’d need to find a bull whom I could trust enough to let him cum in me, and that’s not happening any time soon. The last guy I had who was allowed to cum into me now lives in a different part of the country. I had a dream about him recently and I was considering contacting him to see if he’ll be near here at some stage, but I don’t know if it’s worth getting my hopes up. I do know that he will be moving back here next year. Assuming we still live in this town next year, and that my friend doesn’t get into a serious relationship, I might get my old cum-enabled fuck buddy back.

Maybe 2017 will be the year when Mr Kitty gets fewer than 5 orgasms in the whole year.

Trust and ball crushing

Trust and ball crushing

I’ve spent this week in a haze of sewing, cooking and ploughing through a mountain of work. If I can keep my sanity for the next couple of months, everything will be okay.

Mr Kitty has also been very busy, so I’ve let him stay unlocked for the last week or so. I don’t mind unlocking him when he’s in a particularly busy period and working to deadlines, because I know that his sex drive dips a little anyway and he knows what happens if he cums without permission. Whenever he’s unlocked and isn’t given explicit permission to wank, he’s required to tell me if he thinks he might do it due to not having enough willpower. That way I can act on it. There has been instances in the past where he has put himself back in the cage, on purpose, without me telling him, because I was uncontactable at the time and he thought it easier to stop himself if he was locked up again. I didn’t think it was much of a deterrent since he had the key those times, but it was the best he could do, and I’m glad he did it. Whether he’s actually locked in a cage or not means very little to me. I like to control his orgasms, not necessarily his access to his cock. Though controlling access to his cock is a nice bonus.

Well, this week he didn’t seem to struggle at all. It was as if he had no urges to masturbate. I could easily make him hard, but he was so good at not trying to cum despite his horniness, that he actually had a wet dream, like he did when he was a teenager! Awh!!! After a couple of days I thought that maybe what was happening was that his sex drive was very low because of how busy he was. It was beginning to bug me that it seemed so effortless to him. Was he controlling himself so well out of love and respect for me, or was it because he simply had a very low sex drive?

So today I made him have sex with me, even though I didn’t particularly feel like it (I had some serious fun with a couple of dildos a few days in a row…). If his performance is any indicator, I think his sex drive is just fine. Regardless, we both know that I can’t trust him to be good for a very long time, busy or not, and there’s no fun in that anyway. I won’t be locking him up just yet because he’s going away on a business trip this week, but as soon as he is back, he’ll also be getting back into his cage. I might even bring it with me when I pick him up at the airport…

Something weird happened after we had sex. We have a habit of lying in bed for ages just chatting or cuddling or giving each other rubs, playing with the cat, etc., instead of doing whatever it is that we’re supposed to be doing at the time. It’s not particularly responsible, especially when he’s working to very tight deadlines, but I think it helps to keep us sane and happy. Well, today I accidentally crushed his balls with one of my feet! I think I was trying to get up from the bed, and I wouldn’t have noticed if it wasn’t for the very loud scream that he let out. It was so loud that I thought I’d caused serious damage, but no, I only stepped on his balls lightly, if unexpectedly. I apologised immediately, but I must admit that there was something about it that made me feel really powerful, even if I hadn’t planned on it at all. I don’t know how to explain it because I’ve never been one to inflict pain for the sake of it, other than in very specific circumstances. But I felt very powerful and high and I don’t know… I really wanted to do it again. Specifically, I wanted to find a man —any man — and crush his balls. I badly wanted it.

As I tried to explain this to Mr Kitty, he crossed his legs very tightly in an attempt to block any access I might have to his balls, and that was that. I think I might have genuinely scared him.

Writing this out has reminded me of how I used to kick boys in the balls for fun when I was little. They never did anything stop me from doing it (these were boys that fancied me, not just random boys) and it made me feel very good, but I wasn’t sure why. It’s also really weird because I can’t stand any sort of human (or animal!) suffering. I don’t know, I guess I do like to inflict pain when it comes to punishing Mr Kitty, and I do have fantasies about cutting him with a very sharp razor and just watch the blood flow. Not that I’d act on that, as I don’t think it would be right to mark his body that way. He scars easily. Still, I don’t consider myself a sadist at all. I’m more of a control freak. But I really, really want to crush someone’s balls.

Switch

Switch

I like being dominant towards my lovely kittyslave, but I find it hard not to be submissive towards everyone else. Does that make Mr Kitty doubly submissive? I don’t know.

What does it make me?

switch.

Before I met Mr Kitty, I always assumed I was naturally submissive. Not in a very kinky way, mind you, just… vanilla submissive. I’d been tied up a couple of times. I had my nipples bitten. I asked sexual partners to inflict pain (which they never did well enough because they were too scared of actually hurting me >_>). I felt like there was something missing, but the idea that I could be dominant towards a man was so alien to me that I’d never even tried. I’m a girl, I get to be submissive. I truly believed that.

When we decided to play the chastity game, I felt like the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place. I found my voice. My slave found his purpose. I finally got to call the shots when it came to sex, our relationship, and essentially our private life. It was great! Being able to tell him exactly what I want, knowing that he must do it (or else…), gave me a sense of freedom that I’d never experienced in any of my past relationships. And he was happy with the arrangement. It seemed so perfect.

It was.

It still is.

However, I still need to be submissive in some way. Not towards Mr Kitty, as that doesn’t feel natural. I submit to other men. I haven’t given my slave a blowjob in so long that I can’t remember the last time, much to his protests. I love giving blowjobs and he knows it, but I can’t give them to him. He’s my slave, so I suck other men instead.

There’s something very primal about submitting myself to a man. Begging him to fuck me. Letting him have his way with me, pound me hard, bite me, hit me. I love all of it. I crave it. At any given time I always have a dominant guy or two who will be happy to meet me for a bit of fun. My slave, of course, gets to clean me up afterwards, so that he always knows that his duty is always to worship me. ;P

So there it is. That’s how I manage my dominant and my submissive sides. I’m very lucky to be able to engage in both. I’m even luckier that my slave never expresses a wish to be dominant. We’d have a bit of an issue if he did!


As a closing thought… when it comes to women, it’s a different story. Despite being quite the girly girl, I’ve never been able to be submissive towards a woman. I’m not particularly dominant either. It’s like women break my need to be one or the other, and just make go back to ‘normal’. I’m much more masculine in my actions when I’m with women (I can’t help myself when it comes to grabbing boobies! =P), but there is no power play. It’s a bit odd.

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