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Girl crushes and sexy fingers

Girl crushes and sexy fingers

I think I’m a creep. Not the type that has a cock and wears a long coat, hides in the bushes, and waits for innocent schoolgirls to pass by before jumping out and flashing them. I’m more the type that looks at her Facebook wall, sees the picture of a particular girl, and wonders what could have been. We’ll call her Alice, though that’s not her real name.

Alice is breathtakingly beautiful. She could have been a model, but she’s far too intelligent for such a career, and perhaps too pretty and feminine to pull off the boyish sulky looks required of high fashion models these days. If there is a god, he made Alice his golden standard for female beauty. If you think about the most gorgeous woman you’ve ever seen, and then dial up the beauty a few notches, you’ll start to get closer to how she looks. Add aquamarine blue eyes and dark blonde hair, and there you have her. Alice is also engaged, if not already married, and I haven’t seen her in years. I’m not even friends with her beyond what Facebook calls friendship. I don’t know in which country she lives. I don’t think she remembers I exist.

Years ago my then-fuck buddy called me over to his house. I knew he’d have girls over, which meant that this was an invitation for crazy sexy fun. Sadly, I was too tired to accept the invitation so I decided to stay home. I didn’t think things through and now I regret it. One of the girls was Alice, which brings me to why I’m a creep. Every time I see her on Facebook I have a small horny frustrated mental crash where my mind just goes “why… why did you say no”. It’s such a stupid thing. Can you imagine how creepy she would think I am if she knew? As a girl, I’ve been told by many guys that they’ve wanked thinking of me, but I would be somewhere between surprised and disturbed if I found out that some girl out there gets pangs of regret every time she sees my picture on Facebook!

I’m not sure why I’m sharing that here but I feel like I needed to tell someone… even if it’s pretty much the whole world.

See, as a girl who’s into guys, 99% of the prevented sexual experiences in my life are of men who wanted to be with me, not me wanting to be with some girl. For example, this week we’ve had very hot weather for England. I don’t do well in hot weather (I don’t like being exposed to the sun) so I’ve been wearing sun dresses that are more revealing than I would like. I still need to do my masters work regardless of the weather, and at the moment it involves a lot of talking to men in our mechanical workshop at university. My supervisor advised me months ago to not look too pretty while I’m there because it’s such a male environment, but I can’t help wearing lower-cut dresses in the horrible heat! As a result, my boobs have a newfound respect among the technicians in the workshop. My face… not so much. This is more like what I’m used to. It’s open and obvious. I know they’re staring at my boobs. I know they want me just because I’m a girl (I have the right body lumps and that’s enough for them) and that’s how it usually works.

Having typed that out, I’m wondering if my ex’s best friend still keeps that creepy picture of me that he used (without permission) as his desktop background.

Hmmm.

Anyway, the hotter weather has also meant that in the Kitty household everyone is permanently naked. In hot countries a house will usually have AC. In England we don’t (oh, how I miss it), and the high humidity means that anything above 25ºC becomes uncomfortable. So no clothes it is. Mr Kitty’s antibiotics for his skin issues are taking their time to take effect. To avoid making the problem worse, he’s only locked up on and off. This week our life has been as sexually charged as it gets, but not quite fulfilled.

First, I was getting all the orgasms I wanted using my fingers and his tongue, with my body getting more and more pleasure each time, as it does when my period is about a week away, until I finally let him fuck me. Once that happened, my body stopped cooperating, gave me only one orgasm and decided that sex was more tiring than it was worth. Zero orgasms for him of course, but I don’t like only getting one!

Then, I let him use a dildo while in the shower to prepare his ass for some loving. He went too hard and hurt himself slightly and I didn’t get to fuck him. Finally, once he was comfortable again with his ass being messed with, I found out that he’s actually embarrassed of ass play unless he is (and I quote) “locked up, very submissive and cock hungry”. He was ridiculously submissive, but not the other things. One of the times we were lying around and nakedly cuddling on our bed, I started to circle the outside of his asshole with my finger.

Me: “On a scale from 0 to 10, how rapey would it be if I were to finger your ass anyway?”
Him: “Er… 7.”
Me: “Wait, how is it not 10?”
Him: “Because you’re warning me first, and I know you’ll do it anyway.”

For the record, he did consent eventually. I was gentle and loving and only used my fingers. I’m planning on finishing what I started by fucking him when I go to bed in a few minutes. He’s still unlocked (not allowed to wank) and, for once, I will actually stimulate his cock as I penetrate him. Hopefully that will change his mind about only ever doing ass things when he’s locked up “and cock-hungry”. The way I see it, that’s when I get to have full control over my kittyslave.

PS and Lost spoilers:

We’re re-watching Lost at the moment because the first time around, I bailed when it became more ridiculous than usual. I’d forgotten just how sexy Josh Holloway is. Seriously, he’s so hot that I get instantly wet when he’s on screen. Today we saw the episode where Sawyer gets tortured… and I got embarrassingly horny during that scene. Yup, apparently all I want is to tie up Josh Holloway and push sharpened bamboo sticks up his nail beds.

Cageless chastity

Cageless chastity

Communication. That thing therapists insist is the key to a good relationship. One of the benefits of chastity is that it forces good communication, and not always in the ways that might be expected. Lately I’ve been finding different things about which Mr Kitty is embarrassed to talk to me about. While the discolouration of one side of his penis is now gone, he is still having some of the mostly medication-related skin problems that we discovered many months ago. They generally flare up in the form of small pimple-like blemishes, and the closer they are to his bits, the more embarrassed he is about them. I didn’t know this until I asked him to get back into his cage once the discolouration was gone. You know the way sometimes when children are naughty they become embarrassed straight away and won’t admit to their misconduct? Mr Kitty looked like a little boy wincing and blushing as I asked him to get locked up. He didn’t want to do it, but he also didn’t want to tell me why.

Eventually I got it out of him: he had a flareup in an inconvenient place. If he put on the chastity device, the rubbing of the metal against the pimple would cause him pain. This information alone was embarrassing to him. I asked him to show me where it was because I needed proof that there was a real reason for him to stay unlocked. It’s not that I don’t trust him… but I know better than to fully trust a possibly horny guy. He was mortified at the idea of me seeing it (I’m not sure why. It might have been painful but it was barely visible). As cute as he is when he’s embarrassed, I must admit that I felt bad for him.

This incident prompted a conversation about whether we need to use a chastity device at all, at least until some of the issues are fully resolved. I know some people do it this way and it works for them, so why not try it? After all, he has repeatedly shown that he can control his urges to wank when he’s not allowed. The only way he occasionally lets me down is by using toys without my permission, and that’s not something a chastity device can help with, anyhow. Surprisingly, he was completely against the idea of not using a chastity device. He said he couldn’t trust himself to just follow my rules without a physical deterrent. As it is, he can get so horny that he will do anything to get unlocked. It makes him so cooperative and obedient because he knows there is no other way. If his cock was free, he would eventually cave and misbehave. I guess when his skin issues arise, I’ll need to keep embarrassing him by checking when he can be locked up again. It’s his choice, but I’m glad he could be honest with me.

It only took a couple of days for the inconvenient pimple to heal, and I made him get locked up straight away. Well, I tried. In reality he did his routine of pretending to be meek but actually being very defiant. It went something like this:

Me: Get locked up.

Him: Ok. But… what if you want sex?

Me: I can unlock you whenever I want, remember? Or I could find someone else. Get locked up.

Him: Ok. I will. But… I’m really horny. What if I get hornier later? Are you sure you want this?

Me: Yup.

Him: But why? I’ll be good.

Me: Get locked up.

Him: But what if you need cock?? What then??? What If I get really horny??!!!!!!

This circular argument went on for oh, I don’t know, maybe three minutes. To the limit of my patience anyway. I had to spank him to put a stop to it! In the heat of it I forgot to reach for a paddle. It was only afterwards that I realised that my hand was sore. I honestly don’t think I hit him that hard, it’s just that I have tiny weak hands. In any case, he got locked up immediately and became an affectionate ball of human fuzzy docile loveliness. ^_^

His GP is aware of the skin issues and has offered some possible solutions, but they haven’t quite worked. I’m considering getting an alternative cage for when he has inconveniently placed flareups. Possibly a more open cage. We’ll see.

Birthday? What birthday?

Birthday? What birthday?

Mr Kitty’s birthday came and went, and so did Father’s Day. I thought Father’s Day would be almost irrelevant to a man with no children, beyond sending a card to his father, but I was wrong. My lovely kittyslave was in a weird mood throughout the day because he wanted to join in the fun. He even said something along the lines of “in 10 years’ time we’ll have seven year-olds who will fuss over me and give me a breakfast fry and…” etc etc. He seems to have a plan, and it seems to involve twins… or triplets! These days, when he’s sinking deeper into chastity mode he becomes a real softie and begins to feel broody (can a man be broody?). It’s cute and it goes away after a while, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry this time. So I’ve instituted the birthweek. It’s not my kitty’s birthday, but his birthweek. That seemed to cheer him up, thankfully.

Apart from the usual gift giving, I’ve been using his birthweek to remind him of how to be good again — all in the name of making him happy, of course. I swear it’s not because he’s amazing at giving me pleasure when he’s happily and squirmingly locked up. I’ve been quite generous: I even gave him a choice of activities for his birthweek. I gave him two choices and one demand.

His choices: either he lets me lovingly fuck his little ass and then we switch and he uses a strap-on on me; or he gets to have proper sex, with his little cock in me and everything, while I use a dildo on him. Alas, my body will be doing the girl thing soon and that’s a hard limit for him, so whichever option he chooses won’t happen till next week.

My demand: there’s this ginormous butt plug in his drawer that he insists he has never been able to fit inside him. I want to be the one who gently guides it in, even if it won’t fit, just to see. To see what? I don’t know. I don’t expect it to go in fully, but when he mentioned this butt plug he seemed so cutely awkward and self-conscious about it, about failing to get it in, and about buying such a massive thing in the first place, that I wanted to take part in this. And that is happening tomorrow. I’ve been preparing him by going up the plug sizes as usual. Watching Better Call Saul is a lot more fun when there’s a man lying across my lap, softly moaning as I lightly play with his plugged ass. ^_^

On Father’s Day I was working and, as I walked away from a table of older people I’d just served, I heard one of the women saying: “awwww bless!”. I don’t know if she thought I was very young or very cute. It made me smile though. This elderly woman thought I was sweet and innocent with my waitress uniform and my customer service smile, while at home I had a plugged and locked up man, cleaning the house and making it ready for when I returned.

I think he is getting back to his submissive slavey self. We had a talk about needs and expectations because he had gotten into the habit of saying he was all submissive and wanting to get back into the swing of things, and then making up excuses in the last minute. I guess that’s what happens when I’m too busy to manage him properly. We will be making a conscious effort to avoid that issue in the future. But for now, I really must find the bigger bottle of lube.

Recovery, chastity and hospitals

Recovery, chastity and hospitals

While I recover from my exams, Mr Kitty is recovering from a hospital procedure. Nothing major, just a quick endoscopy. His recovery is more psychological than physical. First, he went from not being scared of the procedure at all to dreading it (my fault. He seemed so chill that I accidentally mentioned what some of my older friends have said about getting it done). Then he was shaken by the fact that the sedative used in the endoscopy didn’t work, as the hospital used the same stuff that is already part of his usual medication. Not a huge deal, but he said it was very unpleasant. Finally, when I picked him up from the hospital, he was required to go from this:free penis

to this:

locked up penis

That was two days ago. It took a lot of effort on my part to get him back into his cage. Effort that shouldn’t have been necessary. In fairness to him, he did eventually give me a lot of fun when I needed de-stressing towards the end of the exam period, but that doesn’t justify his disobedience in following my orders. I know he was having an internal struggle between wanting to be free, with an accessible cock, and wanting to be controlled by me and submissive to me. He would talk at length about sexy things he’d like to do for me, wanting to offer himself up to me, but as soon as I pointed out that he doesn’t get in that selfless mood unless he’s locked up, he would bring up all sorts of excuses. “I was gonna get locked up after our walk”. “I wanted to shave before putting the device on”. Eventually he admitted: “I’ve run out of excuses”.

At the moment he is wearing his chastity device with an anal plug attachment, which I’ll let him remove when I feel like it. I’m stricter with him than usual. I will continue to be until he goes back to following my orders without needing to defy or struggle against them. He wants to be good, he’s just out of practice. I will give him enough homework to practice.

Sometimes it doesn’t work

Sometimes it doesn’t work

I’m getting closer to my final exams, which means that my stress levels have gone through the roof. It also means that my horniness has increased exponentially and I’m what you’d call, ahem… insatiable.

The other day I gave in and unlocked Mr Kitty. I needed cock, and I needed it now. He was only too happy to oblige. I couldn’t make up my mind on whether I wanted him to cum, so I didn’t say anything. He assumed he wasn’t allowed and that was fine with me.

We nearly always start with me on my back before moving positions, mainly because it gives him better access to all the fun bits of my body. This time was no exception, though things moved faster than usual and my instinct was to want everything harder and deeper. Yup, epic sex.

I realised something was wrong when I noticed that he was going balls deep from behind while I was on all fours, yet I wasn’t in pain. That rarely happens and, when it does, it’s after a long time of being veeeery careful. Granted, at that stage I had already had a few orgasms so things were bound to be easier, but even then it didn’t make sense in my head that this felt good, despite not having a slow and gentle stage until my body stops thinking that the doggy style position is evil. He was going deep and hard and it felt good.

We went for a long time and eventually had to take a breather. As I lay on my back next to him on our bed, feeling happy and fuzzy and life was good and everything was perfect, I noticed that his cock was still hard. I was very tired by that stage but I wasn’t thinking right. I had an urge to mount it and bounce on it even though I knew I was all orgasmed out. I got on top of him and bounced anyway, until he came too close to having an orgasm and I decided on the spot that he was definitely not allowed. I unmounted him and went back to being happy next to him, still panting.

That’s when I noticed that his cock was covered in blood. Not just a trickle, but full-on omgyou’regonnadie blood. I wasn’t in pain but his PA was causing him a bit of trouble, so we thought he must have got injured. I picked up some tissue from the bathroom to help him wipe the blood off… and that’s when we saw that I was bleeding. I was leaving a trail of blood. I felt no pain or discomfort, but it was so much blood that I wasn’t sure if I should ring the health services’ advice number or go straight to the local hospital. So much blood. Mr Kitty seemed to think I was going to die. And then the blood stopped by itself, before I made my choice about medical services.

I still had no pain, no obvious injuries, absolutely no discomfort.

The next day, Mr Kitty had a sore penis, a slightly angry PA piercing area, and muscular pain everywhere. I was perfectly fine. A little old blood when I wiped, but apart from that it’s like it never happened.

Another day passed and my uncontrollable need for cock was rearing its head again. I somehow convinced Mr Kitty that it would be perfectly fine to let him penetrate me if he did it very slowly, just to check if anywhere inside me was painful. Irresponsible? Yes, extremely. But I couldn’t help myself. So we did that after I practically begged him. It was alright; still no obvious wounds or sore areas, but I tensed up a little when I thought about the way my blood had soaked through the duvet the last time he had fucked me. I decided to abort the operation even though it felt good.

I’m no stranger to sex injuries. I can get a little over excited. But hell, this was horrific. My previous injuries where the type where there’s a lot of pain or discomfort but barely any visible signs. This was just the opposite! So I hereby declare that I won’t be irresponsible again and I will let myself heal properly before trying again. >_>
I am due for a pap smear next month so I’ll be bringing this up just in case.

Being a girl is fun………..

Punishment and success

Punishment and success

I’ve been a bad keyholder this week. I had a massive assignment due this week, plus project work, plus studying for my exams, plus work work, and then I got a sore throat and my body decided to do the girly thing. Ugh. I’ve been getting horrific mood swings. I don’t think I’m very fun to be around at the moment, and I really question how Mr Kitty can put up with me. Though sexual frustration and wetness aside, he seems to be happy enough.

Well…

He has been so frustrated and submissive it’s almost painful to watch. Almost, except for when he can’t stop worshipping my body. Ok, it’s actually kinda nice. But I was feeling ever so slightly sorry for him because I’m way too busy to do anything sexy at the moment, so I told him he was allowed to use toys. Now the question is: should we count anal orgasms in his tally for the year? I’m leaning towards letting them go uncounted, since they don’t seem to relieve his sexual frustration anyway. Even after getting one of those, he’s still randomly stopping me to suck on my nipples, kiss my belly or caress my ass. He says those orgasms are nice while they’re happening, but once they’re over, he remembers that he is still locked up without access to his cock. Apparently, that makes anal orgasms evil. Locked-up guy logic.

He asked a few times when he will be unlocked. At first, I let him know that realistically, it will probably be after my exams when I’ll consider letting him go free. He thought an early June release is insanely harsh but he didn’t complain. After a while he brought it up again, and again, and it got very annoying. I ended up having to spank him to help him fall back into good behaviour (he’s not allowed to beg for freedom). I only hit him five times with a paddle, but I hit him quite hard, possibly too hard. His ass turned red straight away. I asked him, on a scale of 0 to 10, how painful the spanks were. He gave them a 10. I asked him again, because I wanted a truthful answer. He changed it to a 5, but only “if 10 is death by spanking”. I guess in real terms it would be about an 8. Such a brief spanking, but such a great effect! He became malleable and compliant, and not at all annoying. We stayed in bed together while I gave him rubs and cuddles and he rubbed his locked up cock on me, in that cute little frustrated way of his. He commented on how he had a stingy ass, an asshole with that “freshly fucked” feeling, and a very attempted hard little cock, leaking precum. Meanwhile, he squirmed and groped me.

For the past few days he has been texting with a man from this area who is also in chastity. I don’t know any details but I wonder how many people in this town have tried chastity. We live in one of those places where everything looks leafy and idyllic in that old classic British way (Hot Fuzz anyone?), but as soon as you delve deeper you start to find that there’s a strong tendency towards kink, more than in other cities in which I’ve lived. It’s a funny place.

My mother really enjoyed her visit. She came with a friend and they mostly did their own thing. In fact, she was a thousand times better than I expected. No bad comments, no suspicious looks. She raved about how lovely Mr Kitty was towards her, how great our town is, how nice and clean we keep our house and even how well behaved our cat is. Yay! I feel like she’s finally forgotten all her weird internalised issues with us. Phew.

I don’t understand guy bits

I don’t understand guy bits

As I write this, two things are happening:

  1. It’s late and I can’t sleep.
  2. I’m full of cum.

I actually had half of a blog post written for another day, but I’m going with this instead.

I don’t understand men, and I really don’t understand their bits.
I mean, I got very good sex ed. I know the biology stuff. I’m supposed to be an adult and a fairly open-minded one at that (I hope, anyway!) so I know that men don’t always cum, and if they do, it’s not always when they want it to happen. I definitely know it isn’t my fault, even if I can usually make a man cum earlier if I want to.

I wanted Mr Kitty’s cum in me yesterday. I hinted as openly as I possibly could that he should be ready for sex, but it went over his head. Amongst other things, I asked him to get into bed with me “for cuddles”, which he took to mean that there was no way he would get unlocked, and that he would definitely be fucked in the ass. No, no, no! All I wanted was some lovely old-fashioned lovemaking… or rather, to be filled with cum by the cock most readily available for this purpose. I was horny, but also uber fuzzy.

Anyway, I made him get into bed with me, where I told him to go down on me. He was still locked up at this point and he did a great job. Orgasm one. Then I unlocked him and we fucked. Orgasm two. Finally, I used my fingers while he played with my boobs. Orgasm three.

I could’ve sworn that he had cum in me. I was as drippy as I usually am afterwards, he was as sweaty and tired as usual. His movements were the same as when he’s finished. But I was wrong. He stopped fucking me because he was trying to give me a second vaginal orgasm and that tired him out. I was actually quite close to a second one… but I didn’t get there because his thrusting became too fast and deep! So he tired himself out doing the opposite of what he hoped to achieve. Oh well. No big deal. I can hardly complain when I got three orgasms and he got none.

Today we both seemed hopeful for rectification. He knew he would get locked up again today, so I guess he didn’t want to miss his chance. I wasn’t sure if he would be able to finish this time either because he had major precum all day, mostly from being teased by me and thinking about being back in the cage. He was fantasising about being in a belted device with an integrated butt plug, and the idea was making him nonstop horny and wet. When he is wet for long periods, sometimes it affects the pressure of ejaculation, and sometimes he just doesn’t cum at all. Sort of like when he milks himself incompletely so that he can still get hard but not quite cum. I thought he wouldn’t finish this time either.

Well, he did. About 2 minutes into sex, he did. I’ve never had sexual complaints before but my god, if this experience is anything to go by, I’m not a woman built to deal with premature ejaculation. Thankfully we don’t have that problem, but I’m not used to him finishing before I’m satisfied. It’s just never been a thing. His explanation? “I thought you were disappointed last night about the lack of cum, so I made sure to get there before I tired myself out.”

I must admit that I appreciate the sentiment… But I feel like I preferred the alternative. I must be a really selfish lover! The occasional lack of my own orgasm doesn’t bother me in the least, because the stuff that comes before it is almost as nice. But not getting an orgasm and not getting enough enjoyment time, that’s not for me. I’m definitely selfish. Thankfully I’ve got him well trained and he did finish me with his fingers instead. 😉

So now I’m fuzzy and happy and relaxed. For some reason I’m finding it hard to sleep, but that’s ok. I’ll get there in the end.

Oh, and by the way, he’s locked up now. He’s only had two orgasms so far this year. I’m liking this trend.

Submissiveness overload

Submissiveness overload

The submissiveness is hitting him hard.

I have a habit of giving him back rubs once or twice a day, as it helps him when his condition is acting up. I like to do this on our bed, where he can place his head on the edge of the bed and lie on his belly. I then sit on his ass and give him the massage. You’d think there’s not much scope for variation in this routine, right?

Wrong.

Yesterday it took me a few moments to go upstairs for his back rubs. I knew he was already laying on the bed but I had to finish what I was doing before I could go up. It was no longer than five minutes. When I finally got to our bedroom, I found a very unexpected scene.

While waiting for me, he felt so submissive that he began to play around with some of the bondage gear I make him keep on his bedside locker, including a wrist and ankle spreader. I walked into the room to find him helplessly bound in the device, ass in the air. He’d somehow managed to put it on but couldn’t take it off, leaving him in a very precarious position for me to have fun with.

Artist impression of restrained Mr Kitty.
Slightly tipsy artist’s impression of restrained Mr Kitty.

I took advantage of the situation by fingering him a little before freeing him to give him rubs. I like making him feel vulnerable, like I could strike at any moment. He should always be aware that I have full access to his body and he can do nothing to prevent it. The massage sessions we have together are the best for that because since I’m sitting on him, I can play with his little asshole and there’s not much he can do about it. I can also spank him if he says or does something I don’t like. It’s good preparation for when I’ll be fucking him again.

The result of all this is that he’s brimming with horny submissiveness. He can’t keep his hands off me and even seeing me stretching lazily will send him into his horny self-torture. The other day I caught him absent-mindedly playing with one of his nipples and his ass while we had a conversation. He didn’t notice what he was doing until I pointed it out. He was so attempted hard.

I think he might be going crazy…

Did I mention that he’s only had one orgasm this year? I almost feel tempted to keep it that way until the end of the year! But I’m such a cum whore that to do so, I’d need to find a bull whom I could trust enough to let him cum in me, and that’s not happening any time soon. The last guy I had who was allowed to cum into me now lives in a different part of the country. I had a dream about him recently and I was considering contacting him to see if he’ll be near here at some stage, but I don’t know if it’s worth getting my hopes up. I do know that he will be moving back here next year. Assuming we still live in this town next year, and that my friend doesn’t get into a serious relationship, I might get my old cum-enabled fuck buddy back.

Maybe 2017 will be the year when Mr Kitty gets fewer than 5 orgasms in the whole year.

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